


A Kitchen of Errors

by eveshka



Series: Tales of the Dawn King [31]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 08:08:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11665083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eveshka/pseuds/eveshka
Summary: What Noctis failed to understand was that cooking was a delicate balance of science and art… and Noctis was the equivalent of a flamethrower being used for a crème brûlée torch.





	A Kitchen of Errors

**Author's Note:**

> Rating: G  
> Warnings: None  
> Characters: Noctis Lucis Caelum, Ignis Scientia, Crowe Altus  
> Time Period: 749  
> Location: Insomnia

Ignis was stuck in Crownsguard training and Noctis knew from personal experience that when Ignis got free, he’d be tired and hungry. Which meant the Crown Prince of Lucis got it into his head that the only thing that would suffice was a meal cooked personally by the reason Ignis had to undergo the training: Noctis himself.

He’d found something on the inter webs that looked promising: white rice could be topped with practically anything one had in the kitchen. Given that he had rice in his pantry, and a host of other things in the refrigerator, he figured he could manage.

What Noctis failed to understand was that cooking was a delicate balance of science and art… and Noctis was the equivalent of a flamethrower being used for a crème brûlée torch.

His phone told him that for every cup of rice, he should use two of water. One cup of rice didn’t look remotely enough, so he added two more. That meant… six cups of water. And the pot only held four. He dug around, found a larger pot, and transferred the rice slurry into the larger pot, adding two more cups of water. He added some butter, because why not, and then turned the dial on the stovetop.

Nothing happened.

The gas was coming out, he could hear it hissing. But nothing was making the flame, nothing making that little ticking sound that he’d grown accustomed to hearing. So, what was the trick? Did Ignis use magic? No… he’d have sensed it. But the smell was starting to get to him, and Noctis sent a little flicker of fire magic at the stove.

 

Twenty minutes later, after more than half of the Citadel’s Fire Brigade had responded and then subsequently left, Noctis had to endure a good deal of laughter from a shocked Kingsglave female named Crowe who had pulled up her dark hair and explained to him how a gas stove worked.

After she left, Noctis had started over. He wanted to do this himself.

Two cups of rice. Sufficient for two young men, Crowe had said. Four cups of water. No butter. Add a lid. He turned the dial and waited for the clicking to catch the flames, and then turned the dial down to where she’d told him to put it. Then he turned the dial on the timer as she’d shown him, and looked to the sink.

He sighed, and turned on the water, filling the smaller pot with water, and inspected the scorched pot. He didn’t see any lasting damage, but he suspected this was something he’d end up having to explain to Ignis… if the other man didn’t hear it from the Citadel staff on his way home.

By the time he was done washing one pot, the timer had dinged, so he did what Crowe had told him, taking the pot off of the heat, and turning the fire off. He resisted the urge to peek inside, and turned the dial again before moving back to wash the second pot. It took longer and he wasn’t done with it by the time the bell sounded, but he remembered what Crowe had said, and went to deal with the rice.

This was when he was supposed to add the butter, so he dropped half a stick in and put the lid back on the pot. She’d said it would keep long enough for him to finish the topping, so he turned to the refrigerator for that.

He had no idea what to put on the rice.

There was a slice of pizza, a carrot that Noctis had refused to touch on principle, an apple, and a dozen eggs. Well, he knew he could scramble an egg now that he knew how to start the flames, so he grabbed two and set to work.

Cracking eggs took levels of skill that Noctis himself lacked. The first egg didn’t crack and didn’t crack and then was suddenly half on the floor and half on his foot. When he put the second egg down to clean up the first, it joined the mess on the floor and doubled it.

Half a roll of paper towels later, and Noctis was in possession of two more eggs. This time, he cracked the first one into the bowl on the first try. He got so excited, he dropped the second.

 

He was on his hands and knees on the kitchen floor when Ignis walked in.

“Uh… hi, Specs.”

“Noct,” Ignis replied, casting a glance about the kitchen and then looking to Noctis with a weary resignation. “Apologies, I did not intend for you to have to go to such egg-stremes. Allow me…” Noctis lifted a hand, finished wiping up the egg, and then rose to look at Ignis.

“Nope. Go take a shower, you stink as bad as that pun. When you get out, I’ll have something for you to eat.”

Ignis looked absolutely stunned. “Noctis, I assure you, that was no yolk…”

“Ugh. Go. Shower. That’s an order from your Prince.” Noctis rarely threw his weight around, but he knew if he didn’t now, Ignis would take over, puns and all. “Move it.”

Ignis simply looked at him for a moment, and then pressed his fingers against his glasses. “Crack the egg gently against the side of the bowl, and then use your thumbs. Now, if you’ll egg-scuse me… I’m scrambled.”

He turned and left Noctis standing in the kitchen, gritting his teeth. The prevalence of puns told Noctis that Ignis was half dead on his feet, and there was no way Noctis was going to back down from cooking now. This had become a matter of _honor_.

 

By the time Ignis had started the shower, Noctis had cracked the second egg, beaten them both into a yellow soup, tipped them into a hot pan and was busy stirring them around with some black pepper and salt.

It took very little time for the egg to cook, and he set it to the side, at a momentary loss as to what to do from there. Put the rice in bowls? Spoon egg over top? He could do that, but didn’t it need some sort of sauce? He shook his head, talked himself out of his doubts and served up the rice into bowls. The egg went on top, and he brought the bowls to the table and presented them to Ignis when he returned from his shower.

 

The eggs were a little overcooked, but the rice had looked good, so maybe there was hope for him after all. At least, Noct had thought that until he took a bite.

Bland.

Empty.

It tasted like egg on rice. He couldn’t tell he’d used pepper or butter. His cheeks burned and he closed his eyes in disappointment. “Sorry, Ignis. I was hoping it would taste better.”

“It’s fine, Noct,” Ignis replied, offering his charge a soft smile. “It reminds me of the first dish I made. Everyone starts somewhere, and for your first outing, this is quite egg-ceptional.” Noct rolled his eyes and almost thought he’d gotten away with it until Ignis continued. “Fire and safety response notwithstanding. I hear there was some egg-citement earlier.”

Noctis buried his face in his hands and sighed. He was never going to hear the end of this, but he knew better than to deny it, so he started talking while they ate. At least if he was talking, Ignis couldn’t make more egg puns.

 

After dinner, Noctis asked Ignis to check his work while he washed the dishes. It surprised Ignis, but the older man was clearly not in any condition to argue. He settled on the sofa with Noctis’ history paper and began to read.

 

When Noctis came out to check on him, Ignis was fast asleep, his glasses askew and folder fallen to the side. Perfect. Just as he’d planned. Noctis collected the folder, gently removed Ignis’ glasses from his face, and nudged the man into a more comfortable position before draping a blanket over him. “Night, Specs.”

And with that, he turned out the lights and took himself to bed.

**Author's Note:**

> #ignoctweek


End file.
